Of the ‘Never Haves’ mindset

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Every single tribe in Nigeria has a saying that you should do good so that in future when you are in need the same people you did good for today will turn around and help you. This is a lie. In my 40 plus years of existence I have noticed that generosity is not from a place of plenty but from a heart of selflessness. This is why some people can have more money than you and still beg you for the little that you have. And that is also why some people are able to sacrifice their own last dime for a person who probably has more than him and yet feels that it is not enough.

Therein lies the major issue. Ten years down the line, the person you did good for will still be with that same mindset that whatever they have, even when it has now increased tremendously, is still not enough for their needs. They will continue to hoard their own resources in the belief that if they give even a dime of it out, they will suffer want and their own new problems that might occur the very next day will not be met. As such they will watch you literally die and tell you sorry. In extreme cases they will tell you that because you were good to them in the past you should believe that if they could they would help you. All the while stuffing that note that is sticking out of their pocket so you don’t probe further.

The “never haves” will always be never haves. Not in a literal physical sense, but mentally… and that affects everything else around them. The ‘always giving’ will always give, regardless of their circumstance except they are forced to stop by a physical lack of resources. I have friends who will swear heaven and earth that they are broke but never stop asking me to dash them things once they visit. Anything they find they will ask if I can dash them, only because they bank on my generosity whilst remaining the scrooges that they are with a bigger house and car than I have.

This mentality is what also drives people to consistently participate in multiple give aways without leaving even one for other people. They will win from every single give away sometimes multiple ones a day and nothing in their mind tells them that they are depriving one other person from meeting a bit of their own needs too because they are hoarding everything that should have gone round to everyone. It’s the ‘never have’ mindset. So whenever you are being nice or generous, do it from a place of selflessness not expecting anything in return and do not believe for one second that the day you need help, one of the people who go round seeking help from everyone else, will suddenly become your messiah. You will suffer and be miserable.

14 Comments Add yours

  1. Bolaoluwatitolosendamilola says:

    Oh wow
    I so much love this piece. God bless you sir
    I wish every soul could read this and share; especially those selfish ones always under every single giveaway

    Like

  2. Believing you are a good person and actually being one are two completely different things…. Be a good person but don’t waste time proving it.

    Like

  3. Nosa says:

    I’ve learnt not to bank on anyone long ago, if you want to help, just do it and expect nothing in return or in future

    Like

  4. Damilola52 says:

    This is actually true, I must say I have experience this in so many way… When you needed the help it won’t come

    Like

  5. Moses says:

    This is so true and timely.

    Like

  6. bridgetyeni says:

    I do have selfish friends like that they have more than I do, I do feel intimidated by them but they always want to collect the little I have. Some people are so selfish as stated in the article. More ink to your pen. Nice write-up sir.

    Like

  7. Hollahyde says:

    Well said. ” generosity is not from a place of plenty but from a heart of selflessness.” 👌👌

    Like

  8. Udeme says:

    Thank you for this Sir

    Like

  9. Phil says:

    Awon “I’m on my last bucks”…avoid them

    Like

  10. Ogunlade Taofeek says:

    That’s why a like Yoruba culture, it has made me know that if I did good to a dwarf it may be that the tall person will reciprocate. There are some people I have done good to in kind that I don’t think we can meet again and people as done same to me too.

    Like

  11. MrGaji says:

    I am so glad for read this article and I can tell you that I gain from it. Weldone sir

    Like

  12. Queeneth says:

    Wow
    Wow
    Well said

    Like

  13. Halima says:

    Bull’s eye! You sure hit the target sir.
    Giving is a privilege but if not done with sense, can leave the giver drained and bitter.
    Virtue is its own reward, so its safe to just do our bit and meeuuuve, instead of expecting payback or appreciation in return.

    Like

  14. Chris. says:

    Beautiful piece.
    As the saying goes, contentment is a state of mind. If you can’t give when you have little, you can’t give when you have much.

    Like

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